Your eyes light up and your heart skips a beat when you see him. He’s broad shouldered, strong – the way he holds you in his arms makes you feel so warm and sheltered, as if nothing in this world could harm you. He understands the deepest feelings of your heart. And you complete him. When you’re together it feels like it’s just you and him in that small bubble, an oasis in this desert of a harsh world. Just you and him – against the world.
Except that he’s married. To someone else.
Welcome to the complicated world of being a third party. If you’re in one, you already understand how messy, complex and heart wrenching it can be. So I’m getting straight to the point here. You need to leave him. Now. Here’s why:
You’re causing pain that you’ll regret
Don’t let any Stephenie Meyer novel notions cloud your judgment here. A third party causes pain to everyone around them. You’re causing him and his wife pain. Even worse: his kids. Even if you pretend not to care about any of that, you’re causing a lot of pain to yourself too. Sure, it feels exciting and euphoric when things are going well. But when things go sour, you’ll be all alone bearing the pain of being just a third party.
It’s not going to hurt anyone if no one finds out right? Wrong. You two might be able to keep it a secret for a while. But as time passes, it’s human nature to get sloppy. The changes in behavior start to get noticed. The lies aren’t so convincing anymore. People around you start talking. It’s only a matter of time before someone finds out.
You may not understand it right now. It will always feel so right. But someday you will look back with regret.
You can’t trust him
He reassures you that you’re the one whom he really loves. That he’s with his wife only because of responsibility and commitment. Parental pressure. Religion. Society. Kids. Whatever. But if he really loved you, wouldn’t he be willing to give up everything he has just to be with you? Just divorce his wife and explain to his parents and kids about why you’re his soul mate and how he can’t live without you.
How much can you really trust his sweet words?
Here’s what you can be sure of right now. Your guy lacks integrity. And he’s a cheater. Unlike the stock market, when it comes to humans – past performance is an indicator of future results. Can you trust him not to betray you someday too?
Karma is a b*tch.
There is NO possible happy ending
Let’s run through the scenarios of how this will eventually turn out.
Most likely: Someone eventually finds out and spills the news to him. His wife throws a fit and threatens a divorce, wanting to take 50% of his assets. His parents intervene and urge national reconciliation. Friends and counselors try to patch up things between them. Forced to choose, he begs for forgiveness from his wife and tries to cut ties off from you totally.
Probable: He starts having a crisis of conscience. Not being able to be totally honest with his wife and kids can only last so long. He starts to waver between wanting to be a good husband and his lust for you. You end up caught in a hurtful cycle of him wanting to be with you, wanting to break things off, and then wanting to get back with you (repeat until “most likely” situation above happens).
Possible: He starts to tire of you. Another hot young thing has come into his life. He starts spending more time and money on her than you. After all, you’re just a third party. She’s one too. And she’s got bigger boobs.
Nearly impossible (but best case scenario for you): He decides to man up and finally calls it off with his wife. He goes through intense psychological stress as a result of the divorce, and you go through more intense psychological stress because you feel responsible for it. Other people start calling you a homewrecker. If you ever see his ex wife or kids you feel like a monster. You might end up together, but the scars of breaking his family up will always haunt you and him.
No win here. It’ll be the toughest thing you’ve ever done, but you need to do it – Call it off, block his number and never ever contact him again. Someday you’ll be thankful.
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