As a frequent user (or stalker, depending on the situation) of Facebook, I’m often the unwilling recipient of information that is of no relevance to me. My Facebook home feed is filled with the following:
- baby updates
- pet videos
- marriage proposals
- gym selfies
- car selfies
- overly-edited selfies
- motivational quotes
- perfect boyfriends/husbands
Save for #2 and #8, everything else irks me to no end, but recently I’ve been seeing a lot of guys being tagged by their girlfriends/wives on articles like ‘If your partner really loved you they would do this for you’, ‘What the perfect husband is like’, ’20 things a REAL man would do for his love’, ‘How to be the best boyfriend ever’…. the list goes on. It never stops, really.
Sometimes I click on these links out of curiosity, just to see what the hype is all about. I was horrified to find things like:
“The perfect man cares what his partner thinks of him.”
“The perfect man doesn’t stay out late because he knows you worry about him.”
“The perfect man will carry your groceries without you even having to ask.”
“The perfect man surprises you with flowers and your favourite cake on a bad day.”
“The perfect man will hang out with your friends.”
I might be painfully mistaken, but I don’t find these things manly or perfect, not at all.
Which comes back to the question at hand: does the perfect man really exist?
I know of some men with extremely few flaws. Take Mr C, for example. He’s good-looking, his hair is always well-groomed, his eyebrows are perfectly-defined without the need to tweeze them, his eyelashes are longer than half of the female population’s, he’s got a great body, his baritone voice sends vibrations down your spine and his height is just right.
And the good points aren’t just aesthetically-oriented. He’s got a cushy job. He invests sensibly. He has a decent savings plan. He drives a nice imported car. He’s surrounded by friends. He takes his girlfriend on romantic trips. He surprises her with flowers at work. Her parents love him. Her friends love him.
But when I look at him, I don’t wish him to be mine. Because he’s so perfect it’s unnerving. It’s creepy.
Guys like these only exist in one realm: movies. God know what these rom-coms have done to us. In movies, the guy knows exactly what the girl wants. He surprises her in public with roses. He takes her on impromptu romantic getaways. (Though ever since 50 Shades of Grey came out, the bar has been set higher – preferred mode of transport is now private helicopter, preferably controlled by said perfect guy). In short, he follows all the unspoken ‘rules’ by the book and girls naturally fall at his feet because he’s just so P.E.R.F.E.C.T.
When I was much younger, I had this set of rules that applied to what my ideal boyfriend should be like. I stuck to them religiously, not realising that I was trying to mould him into someone that was a far cry from who he really was. And when he didn’t meet my existing expectations, I freaked. I questioned the relationship. I got angry because he did things I didn’t like, and because he didn’t do things I liked. I felt that if he really loved me, he’d change.
That was probably one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my life. I’ve since learned that no matter how hard you try to change someone, it backfires. It took me years to realize that, but I finally came to terms with my rules. In the end, I flushed all my pre-determined rules down the drain and gave them a big, resounding F-you. To hell with rules and perfect men.
They say that if you wait long enough and search hard enough, you’ll get your Ryan Gosling/Christian Grey/McDreamy.
Thanks, but no thanks. I’m happy with Seth Rogen. I very much prefer guys who tell fart jokes, ogle at girls, drink beer and leave the toilet seat up.
At least I know he’s real.