The case of the clingy/possessive partner

The case of the clingy/possessive partner

I can’t remember the last time I met my friend, A, alone. Whenever we met up, she’d have her boyfriend in tow. It’s weird, because to be honest I don’t know him that well, and neither do I want to because even though he’s my friend’s boyfriend, my inner female sense tells me that I don’t like him.


I’ve tried dropping multiple hints that I want to hang out with just her, but she never seems to get the idea.


It’s the same case among my male friends; there’s this guy’s girlfriend who’s forever wanting to join their outings. If she can’t come, well, neither can he. The boys are always complaining because they can’t talk freely in front of her, and it puts a huge damper on the mood.


If she’s away, he’s free to sneak out, but he needs to check in with her regularly and lie about his whereabouts. She doesn’t like him going out and drinking, so she’s taken it upon herself to set a curfew for him. He has to be home by 1am.


Now, back to my friend A. Her boyfriend sometimes dictates what she should and should not wear. He makes sarcastic remarks when she tries to tell a joke. He corrects her in front of me.


And I hate it.


I’ve always believed that a healthy relationship is built on love (but of course), trust (duh) and a whole lot of personal space.




I, for one, highly value my personal space. I like having my own time and privacy do to things I like, go out with my friends, etc etc. When I tell my boyfriend I’m going somewhere, I inform, not ask for permission. It annoys me when people ask their partners whether they can do something – why should you be ‘allowed’ to do something you want? And who are they to say no?


“Hey, I’m telling you where I’m going out of respect for you. I’m not asking for your permission, so your opinion is not needed.”


We shouldn’t confuse respect/courtesy with submissive behaviour. Independence is something that makes women alluring; it’s something that as women, we should be proud of. Society has taught us that ‘good’ women should be docile, submissive beings who give in to their partners’ whims and fancies. But why blindly follow what society dictates, simply because it’s the ‘right thing to do’?


Be independent.


Independence means being able to let go and allow nature to run its course.

Independence means being liberated enough to make your own decisions.

Independence means allowing your other half to breathe and be his/her own individual.

Independence means standing up for yourself.

Independence means not having to settle for something that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy.




As women, I also feel that many of us like to control our partners. Stop. If you don’t wish to be controlled by an overbearing man, stop being a controlling, overbearing woman. Let your relationship breathe. Give each other space.


Allow your partner to return to you because he/she wants to, not because he/she has to.



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