I once encountered a situation in the old office where a male colleague was showing very graphic pornographic pictures to a junior female staff, his subordinate, using the office computer. They were both giggling away, and he was this big brother showing her some facts of life…and she thought it was kindly of him to be so open. Was it sexual harassment in this case or was I being overly concerned… What about the pretty secretary who has to put up with a lot of innuendos from her dressing to her sexual appeal from the bosses right down to other male colleagues. What about seemingly “joking” sexual invites? Should she laugh and be “sporting” about it?

A big question isn’t it, especially if you happen to work in today’s “open minded” society? Bearing in mind that sexual harassment isn’t just by a male boss/colleague to female staff or colleague, it can be the other way around and even between the same gender.

Sexual harassment is defined as “unwanted conduct affecting the dignity of men and women in the workplace…The key is that the actions or comments are viewed as demeaning and unacceptable to the recipient’ (ACAS, bullying and work harassment booklet, July 1999)

A telephone poll by Louis Harris and Associates on 782 U.S. workers
revealed:

• 31% of the female workers reported they had been harassed at
  work
• 7% of the male workers reported they had been harassed at work
• 62% of targets took no action
• 100% of women reported the harasser was a man
• 41% of men reported the harasser was another man

Of the women who had been harassed:

• 43% were harassed by a supervisor
• 27% were harassed by an employee senior to them
• 19% were harassed by a coworker at their level
• 8% were harassed by a junior employee

Source: Sexualharassmentsupport.org

In sexual harassment: persistent is the key word here even though it can be an isolated incident. It would involve unwelcome sexual advances such as touching especially private parts; standing too close; sexual comments; display of offensive materials; questions of sexual nature; personal comments regarding physical attributes.

Sexual harassment can happen via email or even through the telephone.

How do we know? How far can we allow a joke, sexual in nature but yet seems to  be inoffensive to everyone else except us. Are we being a party pooper, a prude (not sporting) or are we making a stand? Sexual harassment victims undergo a myriad of emotions from being anxious, humiliated, frightened, angry, frustrated, de-motivated and this can greatly reduce their work performance. It is a harassment as long as you feel in  anyway “harassed”  or uncomfortable about it.

If it happens to us personally, we don’t have to tolerate it, be assertive and make it known when a joke is offensive. State firmly to the offender, be positive and calm when telling how his actions make you uncomfortable and that you would like him to stop doing it! That would include your boss and any other colleagues. If you are unable to do it face to face, do it in writing but keep a copy of the email for instance and any other replies. Let them know you know your rights.

Keep a diary of such events, time, place, what happened, how you felt, keep medical reports. Seek advice from your Human Resource, or speak to an independent Human Resource organization to get advice on your rights.  Find someone you can trust to talk to because you will feel vulnerable and most people don’t want to tell for fear of blowing things up and losing their jobs. But mostly, like rape victims, it is sometime the shame and the fear that they may be accused of enticing these unwanted advances that keep a lot of victims silent! Most people just suffer in silence or quit their jobs if it is unbearable. Whilst others just take the high road , if you can’t beat them , join them…

Bearing in mind, harassers are bullies and  usually put up a very good front and are  probably role models and people of authority, it is sometimes very difficult to stand up against them.  For anyone to do so, it takes great courage and conviction, and to remember when you make such stand, it isn’t just for yourself, but it really is for society.

Men and women need to learn respect and recognize boundaries of decency and that cracking jokes about sex and the weaker sex is really nothing more than mental and verbal sexual abuse, relentless and persistent, perpetrated by cowards who have no other way of exerting influence except exploiting their position and they prey from victim to victim. Should we allow such flagrant bullying to go on or can we take action? I have always agreed with the saying … evil reigns when the good do nothing.

Originally published in May 2006.

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