Dear strangely single girlfriends,

I’ve been wanting to write you girls for a long time, but I needed to come to terms with myself first. I mean  we are not spring chickens but rather we are attractive,  independent, successful and capable ladies who happen  to be single and let  me say here, who deserve accolades for still remaining single on our own terms.

Compromise is obviously not a word we believe in when it comes to relationships. What’s the name of that Phil Collins song( I think so anyway, my memory is dim)   …”it’s not a compromise or ….”. Forget that song . Love is about mutual giving and loving that ‘s what we ‘re really holding out for, do correct me if I am wrong of course.

We must congratulate ourselves for not having made the folly of jumping into a relationship and having to compromise. Like hmm, let me see, I don’t know, maybe our ideals, our dream man, our independence and so many more reasons, simply to comply with social expectations and during our moments of weakness (oh boy , do we have some eh , girlfriends).

Instead we have held steadfast to our convictions, because even when most of us singles yearn to find true love, we are not without choice. But really in the face of choices, we have unconsciously made decisions that eliminates for the moment ,coupledom, because we are true to ourselves thereby prolonging the single status and saying nay to compromise.

So be that as it may , we are strangely single not because we have no choice or that we are flatfooted or triple nostril-ed ,attractive in some continents I believe, but because we have certitude and self love (according to Neale Donald Walsh in  his book “Conversations With God, self love is defined as an all encompassing and accepting love which is neither narcissistic nor selfish” . Although our decisions  may be unconscious and comes from our true self but because as often as we are derided by society for our singlehood (people  really think it strange we should be single), we also , now deny this as you may,  also self deprecate  our social state and lose focus.

I know we do not proclaim against marriage or relationships , and yes , whilst there are moments when we would have liked someone to love us and stroke our hair tenderly or wash our cars happily, we do not for one minute envy  the attached and married ones. We wish you  in fact , all the  very best.

You see, with prolonged singledom, we have expanded wisdom and self love. We know that behind every smile is probably a tear or two. Behind every tender stroke could have been a moment of compromise, and we hope that, in the strangely single land when we finally leave it , it is with calmness, maturity , bigness of heart and soul such that the love is all consuming and nothing is a compromise. We would have met the man or woman who is our true soulmate , who may be different from us in every way but because  what we love are the differences , maybe  the smelly feet , not so funny jokes and quirkiness but it isn’t a compromise.We can truly embrace the saying , it is not how much you love the perfection but it is in loving the imperfection that spells  true love .

So to all my strangely single girlfriends who may be dreading  and  putting up a brave  front  for the impending Valentine’s  Day this year and every year , be brave and know that you  are on the true path of self discovery.Valentines always brings out the uglies for the singles and this year , let’s celebrate self love and singledom instead of the lack of couplehood. Let’s celebrate Singles Awareness Day instead! Let’s not let one day define who we truly are. Are we lesser of a person if we stay at home and watch TV , by ourselves? Gosh I hope not, because there are always so many romantic adventures on that idiot box…..

Picture Credit:

• Picture by tdnb

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