When to Lose One’s Virginity

August 14th, 2007 • Related • Filed Under

The shortest and most concise answer to the above question would be: “Not when drunk, stoned or on the rebound?”

The longer answer is, of course, a whole lot more complicated.

According to the Durex Global Sex Survey results of 2005, Malaysians start having sex at average age 19, the fourth highest among the 41 countries surveyed. The survey also found that, unsurprisingly, young people across the globe have sex at a younger age than previous generations.

Malaysians are also among some of the latest to receive formal sex education at 14.9 years. With this positive correlation between age of formal sex education and first sexual experience, it is unsurprising perhaps that Malaysians take two years above the global average to first have intercourse.

Numbers aside, there are a number of factors one may like to consider before surrendering what Courteney Cox?ˉs Monica from Friends so colloquially described as her ??flower?ˉ to someone, be he a man, or The Man.

One?ˉs virginity carries different connotations to different individuals. One friend of mine, in her mid-twenties, described hers as ??a burden (she) could not wait to be rid of?ˉ, while another merely shrugged and said she never thought much about it.

Yet another close girlfriend logically reasoned out that she could never marry someone without knowing for sure what her sexual orientation was. ?°What if I?ˉm a latent lesbian??± she posed me this rhetorical question, eyes wide.

Doubtless though, given the still somewhat traditional mindset that many of us were brought up with, one?ˉs virginity is viewed as a women?ˉs most prized possession. A woman is deemed immoral and sinful, and as my grandmother very often preaches, a woman who does not respect herself and her future husband (and his family, by default).

This of course, is a bone of contention for many. As the traditionally patriarchal attitudes dissolve slowly into the background, women have emerged as equally as educated, financially savvy and independent as their male counterparts; so too have their attitudes to sex evolved.

When is the ??right?ˉ time for one to lose her virginity? (Because, one has to admit, the ramifications are much greater for a female than a male)

Simply, when one is ready.

Not just emotionally, though it is easy to assume one is before taking into consideration the fact that your man may not see your relationship headed in the same direction as yourself, etc?athere is a milieu of other factors. Are you really in love, and if not, is that important to you? It is often said that a woman needs love to have sex, while men need sex to feel love. Ask yourself what your true feelings are, and do not self-censor.

Among other matters of concern would be the health and physical impacts. One has to consider contraception (tricky, especially with hormone contraception such as The Pill), possible pregnancy, health screenings such as Pap smears and potential STD contraction?ado you really know how many women he?ˉs slept with before you, and are you sure he?ˉs telling the truth?

The religious impact too, though one may glibly shrug it off, will also inevitably descend possibly when one least expects it. Guilt may creep stealthily upon oneself as one sits quietly on the church pew one?ˉs bottom has been familiar with since age 4, or as one bows before a revered image. While there is no surefire way of dealing with this, it is best for one to understand that one?ˉs inevitable bodily changes and desires cannot be tempered by prayer alone.

Of course, there is the moral bashing or guilt-tripping induced by one?ˉs family members lest they find out. The mother of a classmate of mine cried for two solid hours upon discovering that she was no longer a pure, innocent little girl?awhat made matters worse, possibly, was my friend?ˉs defiant stand when her mother asked if she regretted it: she said no.

However, one has to admire her guts to state the truth under intense pressure, and we all know there is no pressure quite like the maternal sort. The important lesson to glean from this is of course, be firm in the choices you make, for once you do, there is no reversing time.

At the end of the day, when one chooses to lose one?’s virginity is an entirely personal matter, if one wishes it to be. Similarly, it could also be between one, the man in question, or with God, one’s family, and the rest of society.

It is all a matter of choice. Realize, as corny as it sounds, the power to decide is with you alone.

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