Stand on your own feet

August 14th, 2007 • Related • Filed Under

 

Picture courtesy of siewlian

Decades ago, Malaysia was put under the ruling of the Japanese and the British and I am sure many of our grandparents will tell us that those days are not exactly the best times in their lives. Fortunately, after much effort and persuasion, our country was finally granted its independence at about 50 years ago. The popular black and white picture of Tunku Abdul Rahman, with his fist in the air, yelling ??Merdeka, merdeka, merdeka?ˉ is a symbol of Malaysia?ˉs key to freedom and a constant reminder that although it was a sweet victory, it did not come easily.

Yes, independence is a sweet victory because by being independent, you get to discover things about yourself ¨C things that you never knew you were actually capable of. To be independent is to not rely on others and when you do not rely on others, you have only yourself to count on. You will be amazed at the things you can achieve on your own when you are forced into such situations. So how can you learn to be independent?

You do not just decide to move out and live on your own because you want to gain independence. Independence does not come overnight. You learn how to be independent gradually, during certain times throughout your life. For example, if you are the only child and have working parents, you might often find yourself being left home alone during your primary or secondary school days. You might not realise it at that time, but you are learning how to be independent: how to keep yourself entertained, how to wrap that accidental paper-cut with a band aid, and how to deal with salesmen who just refuse to stop ringing your doorbell, all without the help of any adult.

Picture courtesy of woodsy

Another important aspect of independence that I think all of us should gain is the one involving money: financial independence. Do you have enough pocket money to spend on that gorgeous dress from Guess? If yes, whose pocket is the money REALLY coming from? Our parents have spent so much on us ¨C school fees, food and shelter, shopping ¨C and the only reasonable thing to do when we start working, is to stop taking and start giving instead. I know someone who spent years saving up and later successfully bought a car with his own sweat and blood. Now that is something to be proud of. Not when you drive around town, showing off your new car when in reality, it is not literally yours. Just driven by you, but paid for by your parents! The least you can do is offer to pay back the instalments.

It is understandable that we rely on our parents when we are still students but I think all of us should grow out of that financial dependency upon going out into the working world. We should start learning how to survive off of our own income. Besides cutting our parents some very well-deserved slack, we have to know that (I do not mean any harm when I say this) our parents are not going to be there for us forever. So what happens if they are no longer here? If we are too dependent on them, we are the ones who, at the end of the day, will suffer.

Picture courtesy of sarahjmoon

Being independent is not all about being able to live without aids from your parents but also about being able to be an independent thinker. Going with the flow is easy but not necessarily the right choice. Often in life, we have to make our own decisions by reasoning through ideas and issues in our personal life, in our career and in our communities. If you believe in what you believe, despite it being different from the others, it is not wrong (in fact, it is very brave of you) to speak your mind and go in your desired direction. We usually always agree with what others, especially those of higher authorities, have to say without thinking twice. For example, once, my lecturer told us something and all of us agreed only to realise later that what she said was actually incorrect. She purposely did so to test us, to see if we were thinking on our own. This is a good example to remember because if we do not do the thinking on our own, we are allowing others to think for us, allowing others to tell us what to believe in, what is right and wrong. And the danger in that is, their perceptions may be wrong or unsuitable for us. So live your OWN life and start thinking for yourself. Some couples today have what I would like to call the ??relationship dependency?ˉ syndrome. Wanting to spend time with your other half is sweet and everything but please, spending ALL your time on him or with him, is not such a good move. Well, at least it is not going to help you to be independent.

You spend all your free time with him, you turn to him when you need some fixing done, you agree with whatever he says or does whatever he wants to do because he knows best. WRONG! He is not you so how does he know what is best for you? Plus, God forbid, if the relationship does not last, you are going to be in trouble when you have no boyfriend to go to when you need your personal car fixing service or when you need a shoulder to cry on. While it is not wrong to depend on him now and then (guys sometimes like to feel needed), you should start learning to help yourself in situations where his help is not really essential. For example, if you need to change the bulb in your light, learn to do it yourself and if you cannot drive and need to get to the mall, use the public transportation system or learn to drive.

To sum it all up, we should grow out of the dependency cocoon and spread our wings. Independence might take some time to master and you surely need to put a lot of effort in it but it is only for the better. So start learning now if you have not already and be that independent woman Destiny Child?ˉs once sang about!

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