Picture courtesy of rovaro

“Will you marry me?” is probably one of the most famous questions many of us are waiting to answer yes to. Heck, some of us already have our secret fantasies about how the wedding gown will look like, where the wedding will be and who will be invited. Although a marriage is an exciting and blissful union of two lovers, it can take a turn for the worse if these lovebirds rush into it too soon.

Love knows no age so it is justifiable when two youngsters, at the age of 17, love one another and want to stay in love with one another forever. So one of the options available is to become a lawfully wedded couple. Teen marriage might still be a minority in percentage but it is increasing over the years, with a shocking 50 percent increment of married 15 to 19 year olds in America .

I have nothing against teen marriage but I think that it is wise to hold it off until at least one’s early twenties. Call me old-fashioned if you want but once married, I take the ‘until death do us part’ vow seriously and unless it is necessary, I do not believe in a divorce.

So when teens are planning to get married, in order for a happily-ever-after ending to occur, there is a long list of issues to consider because Levin-Epstein, the deputy director of the liberal-learning Center for Law and Social Policy, tells us that “the earlier the marriage, the likelier the divorce?” Also, do you know that tying the knot at the age of 25, compared to 17, decreases the likelihood of a divorce by four times?

Picture courtesy of the muffin

Of course there are couples that manage to beat the odds and are living their fairytale lives. But no matter how strong the love is, I think it can wait for a few more years. In fact, true love WILL wait for many more years so why risk wasting youth when you can walk down the aisle at an age when you are more matured and ready to deal with the issues of marriage? Now, if you’re thinking, ‘But the girl is pregnant’, then that is another topic for another issue because you should not have gotten the girl pregnant in the first place!

Teenagers, assuming that they do not earn much, will have to deal with a new set of responsibilities upon marriage with the most obvious one being the financial issues. Yes, money cannot buy happiness but money can buy a whole lot of other essentials. Say goodbye to surviving on pocket money from mom and dad because now you are on your own. Well, you are supposed to be. Relying on your parents for financial means even after you are married is not cool! I know some kids back at high school who got married at 16 and 17 years of age, and moved in to live with their in-laws. To be married, in my perspective, is to build your own home and relying on the parents for a permanent shelter defeats that purpose.

Anyway, you will have to start saving for emergencies and the food usually waiting for you on the dining table no longer comes free-of-charge. Everything requires money. You will have to start cutting back on the RM100 you spend once a month in Topshop to make way for bills and more bills to come.

Then there is the issue on education. Will the both of you stop schooling? Or is one of you expected to quit studying and start working to earn money? Will your other half be willing to sacrifice his or her time to help out with household chores when you are busy with exams or assignments? Where will your school fees and money for books come from? Juggling a massive load of assessments is tough enough but to have to do that and attend to household chores and responsibilities is even worse. So I say let the wedding wait. Concentrate on your role as a student first because the more education you have, the more chances you will have of being offered a good, high-paying job, which will then make your future brighter.

Picture courtesy of nubuck

Family is an important part in a couple’s relationship because it can help to make or break it. We have seen countless movies about disastrous relationships with in-laws (think Meet the Parents and Guess Who ) and how helpful it would be to the boy and girl if they get along well with each other’s family. If you are lucky, your in-laws will like you but if they frown upon teen marriage, like in many Asian countries, and see you as one who is destroying their child’s future, then you are in trouble. Do not expect your partner to ditch the family for you because it might not happen and it is simply cruel to make someone choose between a family and a love partner. Plus, there is a possibility that your own family will disagree with your marriage but do not write them off because when you have troubles with your marriage, at least you will still have another home to go to. It is not really worth it to build one family only to destroy another.

Being young, we want to get a taste of freedom and some get that by choosing to marry young because it is a way to be free from the constraints of the parents. But this freedom has its boundaries too. If you think you can finally say goodbye to the midnight curfew and party all you want, think again. What about your other half who is waiting at home? Surely you cannot leave all the chores to one person alone. Marriage is a typical example of the phrase “??it takes two to tango”: it is a two-person commitment. Sooner or later, you will have to make more of these leisure sacrifices for the sake of the marriage. Are you sure you are up for it?

Finally, Kelly Bell, a marriage therapist, explains “the biggest difference between teen and adults is that teens have not fully found out who they are and so will go through more changes than adults?” Live life a little bit more. Take this time (which only comes once in a lifetime) to enjoy things that you cannot do when you are older. Experience living on your own, and enjoy the things that you can do individually (not everything needs to be fun only if there is another half with you!) before committing yourself eternally to a marriage. Getting married at a young age is a huge decision so be a 190 percent sure that you are prepared for what lies ahead because it can be a bumpy road

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