Meet the parents… or not?

February 28th, 2007 • Related • Filed Under

I have something depressing to confess. I think my boyfriend’s mother hates me. Oh well, maybe hate is too strong a word but I do get the feeling that she thinks I’m a bad influence on her boy. I’m in a 2 year relationship and it’s still going strong. We’ve been through the highs and lows of a relationship and thus far we’ve emerged as winners. The only thing that I have not won over is the heart of the other lady in his life. His mother.

I find it immensely unfair that he gets along with my mother. He gets to attend family events on my side and all my relatives have met him. I, on the other hand, have never been to one single family event on his side ever! I can’t exactly blame him for not taking me, because I would most certainly feel awkward being amongst his extended family when I barely even know his mother. It makes me feel bad. It’s not like I didn’t try. But every attempt I make to strike a conversation with her to show her the charming and lovely side of me just ends up in an awkward silence. So I decided to go back to the basics. One that definitely can’t go wrong. Smile pleasantly and do not speak when not spoken too. And guess what, most of the time, I just end up smiling.

Recently I met up with a girlfriend of mine for dinner and somehow our conversation steered towards the topic of our significant other’s mother. Lo and behold, I finally found someone that could relate to my situation. She’s been with him for 4 years and has never even met his mother. Now that’s really sad.

In my opinion, every girl’s dream is to be loved and accepted by their boyfriend’s mother. It just makes the relationship so much easier no? Also, it would make the love of our life so much happier to know that his mama approves of the girl he dates. And we, of course, want to make him happy. Because it makes us happy to see him happy. And of course, it feels great to be loved by all. So when you find out that you’re not loved by all, the feeling stinks. It hurts your self-esteem. Your mother loves you fine, so does your best friend’s mother, so why doesn’t she love you too?

The talk with the girlfriend over dinner was indeed enlightening. She told me about how she always envied her other girlfriends who get invited over for dinner. How they get to buddy up with “the mom” by getting invited over for baking and cooking sessions. How some even go shopping with “the mom” for his clothes. How do these girls do it? What is their secret? What do they have that we don’t? I remember how I envied this other girlfriend of mine when she told me that her boyfriend’s mother actually bought her shoes!

After all the ranting, she told me to get use to it. That there’s nothing wrong with me and that I’ve got to accept the fact that it’s not love at first sight for everybody. And that I can’t expect everyone to love me. (Ouch!) Afterall this relationship is between me and him. What matters most is that we love each other. The mom part can be dealt with when the time comes - which would be a significant number of years from now.

Maybe one day, if I stick around long enough all the while maintaining my very pleasant smile, “the mom” would realise that I’m actually a very nice person and accept me with arms wide open. Then I’ll be invited for dinners and baking sessions. I’ll get to shop with her for his clothes and who knows, I might even receive a pair of shoes. Maybe two! Well, one day. For now, this Chinese New Year, I’ll certainly not be meeting the parents. And maybe it’s for the better. Phew!

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