“He’s just not that into you” (the no- excuses truth to understanding guys)

by Greg Behrendt and LizTuccillo
Greg and Liz met when, as a consultant on the set he was asked for a guy’s opinion about a boyfriend one of the staff was dating, and upon hearing the story he informed her that “he’s just not that into you…” . Fascinated by this new insight, Liz then decided to team up with Greg and write this revolutionary book .A book that tell the perspective of dating from men’s point of view. It is meant to free women from any illusions that they might have when trying to “figure out” the men that they dating. Because rather than waste time figuring him out , why not just accept the fact that he is just not that into you and make room for someone that is. In a way this book is rather old fashioned, because women’s lib and equal rights ideas that say we have a right to ask man out, will need to be thrown out of window…ah ha…men are hunters and we should therefore let them do the chase, while we sit back and relax…

A depressing book for some and yet for others, like this girlfriend of mine who borrowed it and absolutely refused to return it back to me until she has read and memorized every page by heart (wonder if she took notes as well).Another girlfriend read it, and promptly went out and bought several copies for other girlfriends, she said they needed it! Apparently, this book dispels all myth about relationships, dating and spells out the rules from the guys’ point of view…and bottom line, ladies, there is no hope…

So, here goes my summarization…

Chapter One-He’s just not that into you if he is not asking you out

Any excuse is a polite rejection because men are not afraid of “ruining the friendship”. He will ask if he is really wants to. So don’t get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he’ll do the asking because if he wants to find you, he will. Let the man lead because some things are born of nature and has last through time for a reason. Always remember, “…let’s meet at so and so’s party/any bar/friend’s house…” is NOT a date. Men don’t forget how much they like you, so put down that phone, you are good enough to be asked out!

Chapter Two-He’s just not that into you if he is not calling you

If he’s not calling you, that’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you and doesn’t follow through ie promising to call and didn’t, he will do the same for big things. Be aware, he is okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they are going to do. If he is choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight for instance, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. Busy is another name for “as*@^le , and that is the name for the guy you are dating if he is using busy as an excuse. You deserve a phone call.

Chapter Three- He’s just not that into you if he is not dating you

Guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to listen or believe them. “I don’t want to be in a serious relationship” truly means “I don’t want t be in a serious relationship” or “I am not sure that you are the one”.

So don’t settle for better than nothing relationships, they are not good enough for you. If you don’t know where a relationship is going, it is okay to pull over and ask. Believe it or not somewhere out there is a guy who will want to shout to the world that you are his girlfriend.

Chapter Four- He’s just not into you if he’s not having sex with you

Chapter Four is a bit dicey re dating especially in the Malaysian context, what this book is trying to say is don’t just jump into bed with everyone you date, but rather if a relationship has already developed and sex being an important part of a relationship although not the only part ….then you should look into this factor! I suppose sex is a confirmation of man’s desire and acceptance of the person he is dating with the potential of truly developing the relationship into further commitments …as oppose to a hang out buddy!

According Liz and Greg, people tell you who they are all the time, so if a man says he can’t be monogamous, believe him. Companionships are good, at least that’s what I hear from a lot of my single friends especially as they get older, but what they recommend is make sure that it is a friendship with a man who can’t keep his hands off you if you are in a relationship, otherwise you are better off buying a puppy. There is someone out there who thinks that you are hot stuff, believe it.

Chapter Five-He’s just not that into you if he is having sex with someone else

Very clear cut here, there is no excuse for cheating, keep repeating that. Cheating is cheating no matter how many times or how it happened because cheating will get easier over time as the sting of morality lessens and guilt of betrayal slowly dissipates. Cheaters suck and they cheat themselves because they don’t get to be with you.

It is not your fault that someone cheats because his lapse of judgment is not your responsibility.

Chapter Six-He’s jut not that into you if he only wants to see you if he is drunk

It doesn’t count unless he is sober. If he needs to inebriated to see you, talk to you, have sex, then it ain’t love, it’s just sport. Bad boys are bad and you need to be with someone who needs to get loaded to be around you.

Chapter Seven- He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you

Which category is he, “doesn’t want to get married” or “doesn’t want to get married to you”?. If you have different views about marriage, what else are you not on the same page about.

Chapter Eight- He’s just not that into you if he is breaking up with you

Okay, this one is really important gals, a break up is definitive action, not a democratic one. So it is not one for discussion, don’t try to talk and reason your way out of it. Break up sex, still means that you have broken up. Cut him off, and hopefully he will miss you. Don’t call him, he doesn’t need to be reminded that you have broken up. Be classy in the break up, don’t spy on him and don’t break into his answering machine. Don’t find excuses to pop by, he can take care of his own cat or dog.

Chapter Nine- He’s just not that into you if he’s disappeared on you

Hey ladies , according to this book, no answer is the answer. Don’t give him a second chance to reject you. Don’t even bother yelling at him, let his mother do that! You are too busy, no mystery here, he’s just not good enough for you.

Chapter Ten –He’s just not that into you if he’s married (and any other insane variations of being unavailable)

Well, to the authors this one is no rocket science, unless he is all yours, he is still hers. Lots of cool single men out there, go find one to go out with. If a he is yelling about his ex-wife or crying over his last girlfriend, find someone else to take you to the movies. You are not easily forgotten, he will find you again when he is ready.

Chapter Eleven-He’s juts not that into you if he is a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak

This one is real funny, but made a lot of sense, they say, life is tough enough, you don’t have to find someone difficult to share with! Yup! You deserve to be with someone nice, and you be nice to them too. No one needs to shout except in imminently dangerous situations. They say, you already have an asshole, you don’t need another, crude but true. Make space for glorious things in your life. Have faith…what other choice is there.

Chapter Twelve-Don’t listen to these stories

And vehemently, they advise readers , women like you and I , don’t believe in the… it started badly but ended happily ever after stories because these stories are the exception to the rule…

Be EXCEPTIONAL, don’t be the exception!

Chapter Thirteen-Now what do you do

This is the clincher after all that detoxification of ideals, now reset your standards.

They suggest these standards:

• I will not go out with a man who hasn’t asked me out first!
• I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone
• I will not go out with a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable
• I will not date a man who isn’t sure he wants to date me
• I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that it makes me feel uncomfortable
• I will not be with a man who is afraid to talk about our future
• I will not, under any circumstances, spend my time with a man who has already rejected me
• I will not date a man who is married
• I will not be with a man who is not clearly good, kind AND LOVING

Well, that’s the gist of it, hope you have enjoyed reading it and do let us know your feedback and opinions if any about the book…

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