Asian Marriages: Are They Ever Just Between Two?

August 28th, 2006 • Related • Filed Under

How many of us are die-hard fans of Siti Nurhaliza? Yet, the whole country is buzzing with news of her wedding. Everyone I’ve met, from my dentist to the cab driver has a personal view on the matter. I find this rather amusing. I read and hear all this information about two random people and I’m baffled by how everyone concludes that it is an unworthy match. Mind you, I’m keeping mum on this topic. Firstly, it’s because I honestly don’t care about whom she’s marrying and secondly, if I ever did mention the possibility of love being the reason, I would receive deathly looks along with being accused of condoning “home wrecking.”

Are we Asians so cynical that we can’t believe that a marriage can be sustained primarily through love? Do we have to make sure all risks are calculated? Being a hopeless romantic I refuse to believe this. Call me naive but I do think that marriage is a risk worth taking if there is understanding and unconditional commitment between two people. This overplayed, heart felt speech to my mum is usually followed with a snort and her famous words “You can’t live on just love and fresh air.” She, like many others, believes in circumstances and social compatibility as foundations of marriage. Yeah, love will be an advantage. With the former components though, the couple will be a match made in socio-economic heaven.

I am always in awe when I hear the kind of investigation that is made before a couple gets married. It puts the Malaysian police force to shame. Parents, relatives and friends would try and find out everything possible about the future spouse. Criminal records? It guarantees a failed marriage. Criminal records of the person’s parents, best friend or classmate? That will also somehow translate into being a potential hindrance to the marriage. Other factors of consideration that I’ve come across are being from divorced parents, one parent, neighbourhood, school’s reputation and parents’ penchant for karaoke. How this affects the marriage in question beats me.

So you haven’t seen your second cousin in 10 years. You hear she’s getting married. Suddenly you have an opinion about her choice of partner. On one hand, you may praise her for bagging a doctor whose parents are politicians and cousin is a self-made millionaire. On the other hand you may wonder what she’s doing with someone whose family isn’t as affluent and whose brother lives in a dodgy area of town. Who cares? What is it to anyone? Why is it that every Abu, Ali or Ah Chong within a 100 mile radius has something to say? Do we really believe that our opinion will matter to two people who have decided to get married?

If and when my time comes to tie the knot, I’ll make sure that he prints out a thousand copies of his CV to pass around. People will hear my impending marriage and definitely ask me what’s he like. I’ll give them a copy. Character references should also be available. I’m not being bitchy about the whole thing. I’m just doing all those that really care about my happiness a favour by saving all that time they were going to use snooping around.

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