Recently, I was in a club when I witnessed one of those rare moments of a girl chatting a guy up. She was gorgeous, cool and confident and I couldn’t help but cheer her on silently. The guy ended up dancing with her and I wondered if that was the beginning of a possible romance. I got to talk to some male friends and tried to find out what they really thought about women who chat men up.

For most of them, being chatted up was highly flattering. They got an ego boost and some even confessed to being glad that they didn’t have to make the first move. However, here come all the other thoughts that accompanied those two egotistical, testosterone driven comments. Ladies, be warned! Even I didn’t know that men had all these complexly formulated theories in their mind when I decided to explore this topic. Some said the reaction after the initial chatting is usually one of doubt or insecurity. They claim at some point of the relationship they’ll question why you’re with them and the fact that you approached them purely on the physical aspect starts to worry them. To them, there’s always the possibility of a better looking man out there, so what would stop you from chatting him up? Then there’s the traditional notion that it is in fact the man’s “job” to initiate conversation. This is then followed by stereotyping women who chat men up. I’ve heard all sorts of theories. Apparently, it makes the woman seem too desperate. It makes them think you’re not as desirable. Note: the whole forbidden fruit talk usually ensued this comment. Then, there’s the ‘She probably does this all the time and thus, shouldn’t be taken seriously’ variation.

Of course there were some men who said they were just too shy to talk to women and would only think positively of being approached. They see the woman as confident and that attracts them further. Many men do admit to being positive about being approached if it is in an environment different from that in a club. Personally, I think not being alcohol induced in general would be good. We don’t want to be approaching men because of our beer goggles do we? It wont be pleasant if we’re expecting a Brad Pitt (as we remembered) to walk in and then be faced with the Elephant Man! Men also confessed to being responsive to women who approached them in “non-sleazy” situations. For example, meeting through mutual friends or mingling at a function. This apparently, made it more natural and less threatening.

Next time, you spot a potential, do go with what you feel at the moment. I definitely don’t think we need to come up with a detailed game plan. Contrary to what men seem to believe, we sometimes do it just for the heck of it. An interesting person to dance with or spend an evening talking to only has more good than bad. The only problem is when you do it expecting wedding bells or finding The One. Many of us hold ourselves back because of what we think they would think of us. The thing is, men do it all the time hoping for that lucky break. They’re never worried of what we think, hence the “Is your father a terrorist…Cause you’re da BOMB!” lines. So why are we?

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