Paying For Dates-Rules of the Game

February 28th, 2006 • Related • Filed Under

Are you one of those women who fear the waiter approaching at the end of the night as much as waiting for doom? Once the night is ending and your date has asked for the bill, your heart thumps at dealing with the awkward shuffle that will ensue. It might be a simple action of looking at the bill and putting some money down, but the implication of what happens is tremendous.

Even in the era of feminism, equality and the rest of it, do we still expect men to pay on the first few dates? I personally thought there were standard dating rules until a friend of mine relayed her story. It was their first date. He was smart, good looking and dinner was going well. I know this because I received an SMS somewhere in the middle of it letting me know that everything was fine and my services of jumping in and saving her weren’t needed. Then, the bill came and he opened it. He took out RM90 and pushed the tray over to her. She looked at it, realised that it was for RM180 and that he had put his exact share down! She was so mortified that she ended the night politely and spent the rest of the night bitching about the horridness of such an act.

What is proper date etiquette? After asking around and in danger of my opinions being labelled either gold digging or burn your bra feminist, I’ve finally compiled what could be the general consensus of paying on dates.

Both sexes agree that on the first date, the man should pay. If the bill arrives and he immediately takes out the money, there’s no need for you to do anything. You could suggest a nightcap of coffee or a drink to make it seem like you’re doing your share. It’s also a great way to spend more time with your date. If you choose not to, it’s perfectly acceptable.

Up to 3 dates, it’s considered fine by most to allow the man to pay for it. If you feel uncomfortable, you could offer to pay your share on the 2nd date. He should politely reject it though. When he does, just thank him and put it away. Don’t create a scene by grabbing the tray or trying to shove money down his pants. By the 3rd though, you’d probably be comfortable enough to pay your share. It’d be right for you to offer and normal for him to accept. From then on, if the relationship develops, you’d probably have so many other little questions that paying for a date should have sorted it self out and taken a backseat. Happy Dating!

Last 5 posts by anne H

Post a Response